I haven’t written for a while because my Nana died, and I didn’t know how or what to write about that. I was able to travel to say goodbye to her, and I have to say that I know God is real when you can sit at your Nana’s kitchen table, silent and jumbled-up and with an aching soul—and simultaneously knowing and feeling that He is at the table with you, not because you’re doing or saying or thinking anything good, but because He is good and He loves you. God has met me in some very interesting places over the years, and this is one I’ll always remember—not because a miraculous healing occurred or because my heart was overcome with joy or because I heard a clear message or suddenly felt equipped to do the hard thing in front of me, but because He was there, and that was enough.
I could talk for a long time about the experience of saying goodbye to someone, but Nana directed our feelings when she shared with us, “Don’t be afraid. This was easy. I know where I’m going, and I’ll see all of you there.” It was a sweet time, and I’m so, so grateful I got to be there.
A few weeks later, I was privileged to join my entire family to celebrate her life. There was fresh snow, a freezing graveside service, a beautiful and inspiring church service, tears, laughter, wine, coffee, and unexpected train rides, so the entire thing felt a little bit surreal-ly balanced between happy and sad.
After saying goodbye to Nana and beginning to reflect on her legacy, I have a clarified outlook on what really “sticks” at the end of your life, and I’m freshly aware that I am responsible for living now as the kind of person I want to be. Sifting through Nana’s life made me realize that I want to be more intentional about being a good friend, making family memories, and doing the things that I enjoy (instead of thinking “wouldn’t it be nice to…” and then shelving the activity for some unspecified date).
Zoe and I went on a breakfast-and-sunrise date last week.
I’ve been taking advantage of the wonderful weather and taking my girls to the beach with friends.
When we leave the beach, we often stop for a sweet treat. I’ve decided it’s just going to be an official, regular thing now. I want my adult children to say, “remember when we were little and we’d go to the beach, and we’d always get ice cream/a chocolate muffin?!! That was the best!!!”
I went on a beach weekend with my own friends, too (and we left the kids behind)!!!! This should also be an official, regular thing. 🙂
I went to an international fitness dance expo with two similarly dance-crazed friends and danced for two hours.
Clearly, we looked just like the lead dance instructor. #not
I’ve been enjoying a walk or two on our treadmill each week once the girls are in bed. I wear Zoe’s toddler headphones (which don’t fall out of my ears like the dumb iPod ones) and praisewalk/dance like a loon to random Christian music playlists.
I have thoroughly been enjoying my little ladies and the daily adventures they bring into my life.
I am trying to find the humor and universality in the little annoyances of parenting.
And I am trying to soak up the little moments…because they add up to the bigger picture of my life.
Thank you, Nana, for all you taught me, and for all you keep teaching me.