If you’ve spent any time with me lately, you’ve likely NOT heard me ramble about work-life balance…because it’s so raw and I don’t know what to say. My work-life balance has been changing a little bit after several years of being in bare minimum career maintenance mode, and it’s weird.
Since I ramped up my efforts to build my client list (a marketing effort which consisted mostly of prayer and not immediately screaming “NO” when someone made a referral), I have been blessed with a steady stream of clients and work. I am no longer working “very” part-time; I work part-time. This comes with increased client management responsibilities, more deadlines to keep track of, and some slight changes in personal identity.
For about two months, I’ve been saying “I probably need to start saying no to any new projects”—but in those two months, I’ve said “no” exactly 0 times. Here’s why:
-I genuinely like the projects and am so jazzed by (most of) the work that I do. I take on my clients’ missions and invest in my students’ futures. I love getting e-mails from students thanking me for helping them learn and grow, coming back from meetings with my brain whizzing with ideas, and getting lost in research as I write narratives for my clients’ grant proposals. I didn’t have an outlet for my passions, I’m not sure that my life would feel as meaningful. I know that I am called to be a present and engaged mom, but I don’t feel called to push down all of the things that I know and can offer the world in favor of having empty laundry baskets.
-It’s hard to say no to new clients who want to work with me, or to existing clients who would be a great source of continued business when I have a long-term interest in building a small business (or at least a job for myself) in this field.
-My counted-on contribution to our family income is all I “need” to do. But outside of that, I have hopes and dreams for our house, vacations I want our family to go on, and 529 accounts that I want (“want?”) to fill up. Contract/freelance work = $.
Coming back to reality, however: at this point, all of my scheduled childcare time for the fall is booked with projects…so any new “yes” I say to work is a “no” to time with my kids, family, and/or personal time.
It’s tough to figure out the right balance between “this project pays for a month of your preschool tuitions, freeing up funds for a family vacation that will build priceless memories” and “this project makes me miss time with you and/or takes up any time I have to recharge, resulting in memories of time with a babysitter or a cranky mom.” And I’ve had to accept that I’m not going to make the right call 100% of the time, because actually saying yes is new.
Trying new things is messy. Add that to a life that was already a little less than put-together and it’s…well, messier.
But there’s fun in the mess. And with every messy challenge comes opportunity.
And so: I think that the challenge for me at this intersection of my kids’ development and my business growth will be to clearly define and act from my values. The time I spend parenting will change and fluctuate as my kids move towards school readiness, but the value of my parenting time will not decrease, and the quality of that time should not, either.
This challenge also means I have the opportunity to experiment with new projects, clients, and work styles and schedules—and the opportunity to learn more about myself, my family’s needs, and what my future could look like—IF I pay attention.
Also, I realize that I am SO blessed to have these opportunities and choices. When I was fresh out of college, I wrote a description of my dream job. I wanted to work for a nonprofit organization, write professionally, be an adjunct professor, have the flexibility to work from home and coffee shops instead of always needing to be in an office, be able to cook a hot lunch (LOLZ, clearly of the utmost importance), and have time during my day to exercise, play with my then-imagined kids, and invest in other people. In other words, way too many things, some ludicrous things, and also essentially what I do now.
The kicker is that when I left full-time work, I didn’t intentionally set out to achieve this life; I was just taking steps of obedience and looking, like, one foot ahead until I suddenly looked up and realized that I am actually living that dream (minus the daily hot lunch because it turns out that once I had more than one child, I began to struggle to even make a basic sandwich. If we could slightly tweak the goal to “making a latte after lunch,” though, nailed it).
Even though this life is what I dreamed of, it’s not always perfect or easy or 100% fun. It’s called “work” for a reason! So when I begin to angst about the difficulty of balancing work and family and my soul, I have begun to tell myself: you are tired. It’s time for a break. Go for a walk with a friend. Talk with your husband. Watch a show. Read a book. Write a blog post. Go to bed. If your lifestyle can’t support Sabbath—something needs to change.
In the morning, I wake up and journal and pray. And towards the end of writing my honest reflections to God, I am always startled to realize that I didn’t have a situational problem; I had a gratitude problem, or was tired, or just needed to say no, or needed to set up an extra babysitting day but also plan a fun family activity to balance it out. It isn’t actually that hard when you don’t carry all the burden of doing all the things perfectly all the time.
I don’t always know the “right” answer to the “should I take on this client/project” question. And I won’t always get it right. But generally, if I pause before responding, prayerfully consider a project, and move it through the filter of the important “to-do” list that I have developed below—I might.
My to-do list:
(1) Be an engaged and present mom and wife. I am there for my people when they ask me to be. I put down my thing/to-do and engage when they want to engage. I stick to clearly defined work times and don’t multi-task. I work in my office or at my Starbucks office—not in the playroom. I may leave things unfinished at times; this bugs me but I choose the better thing. I’m there—fully present—for the big moments.
(Zoe before her first day of weeklong camp this summer! I was happy I could be there to talk her through nerves at drop off and see her excited face at pick-up.)
(2) Manageable and enjoyable work. I curate my projects/clients to a manageable list. As possible, I go for the enjoyable projects. I don’t need to “wow” on every project—meeting expectations is okay.
(3) Treat my soul with respect. My life has time for quiet time. I make time and space for a weekly Sabbath—a day or two with no “work work,” unless it’s one of my two grading hell weeks. I make space for fun things with friends that seem like a waste of time from a productivity standpoint, because these friendships so greatly enrich my life and fun is actually important. I fight for alone time now and then. I make time for reading. I pay attention to patterns in myself. If my physical, mental, and emotional self all feel ragged—I talk about it and make some changes. I “find rest in the incompleteness of the present moment as I learn to recognize the goodness of what is, [and trust] that what is needed for the future will be added at the proper time” (Sally Breedlove, Choosing Rest).
On that note, I’m going to go to bed!