Where have you been lately? someone asked me the other day.
Here’s a recap of the last few weeks: we left our house due to some fairly extensive rodent issues, moved in with some friends from church down the street, moved again to a condo owned by some very generous (and vacationing) church members, hosted David’s parents for a few days at our borrowed condo, had David’s installation and ordination service at church (this is a big deal – go David!!!) and then Zoe and I boarded a plane for Minnesota where we are teen-sitting for my siblings.
I also started doing some contract grant writing, and David and I began looking at rental homes in case our house is not salvageable.
Oh, and I’ve gotten five (seriously, five) part time job offers in the last month.
I’m not a change-resistant person. I truly get excited about change and growth. But when change or the need to consider making changes is forced on me instead of being something I decide to seek out, it’s never the most comfortable feeling.
That’s why I haven’t been writing lately (apart from the mask story—I mean, that NEEDED to be told.)
I’ve been working through the changes in my mind and heart, trying to sort out what God is up to and what He is calling me to.
It’s not my time to be here spouting wisdom about anything. It’s my time to be as quiet as possible, to silence the anxiety that says I need to figure everything out and to listen to the God who actually HAS figured it out. It’s my time to stop talking and instead to ask, seek, find.
Fortunately, I’ve been in Minnesota where the night life (and…life in general…) is not super bumpin’. I’m taking advantage of it—soaking up the wisdom of good teaching, good books, time in worship, conversations and prayer with my best friend, and prayerful walks with Zoe through the trails and meadows here. I’m singing “My Lighthouse” as we walk and “Open Up The Heavens” as I drive. I feel God working in me as I surrender this time to Him and though I don’t quite understand yet what He’s doing, it’s enough to feel His presence with me and trust that He will sort it all out.
My best friend has been part of a church plant for about a year, and I got to go with her to the church on Sunday.
I was thrilled to get to see where so much of her energy and passion have gone and to feel our friendship deepen as I experienced a huge part of her heart. It was also personally refreshing to worship there—to feel that immediate connection with people who love God as fervently as I do, but to hear and see the Gospel a bit differently than how I see it most Sundays. It was a reminder of how precious this gift of communion with God is and how I haven’t gotten close to plumbing His depths. In my daily life, I may experience God in certain ways, but there is always more of Him to explore and new ways to experience Him.
The same can be said for my life. It may have been going a certain way and I may picture it continuing that way, but there is always room for God to do something NEW, something different than what I pictured. And I continue to want to step out of the way to allow Him to work.
John Calvin wrote, “the only haven of safety is to have no other will, no other wisdom, than to follow the Lord wherever he leads. Let this, then, be the first step: to abandon ourselves, and devote the whole energy of our minds to the service of God.”
That’s my prayer…that I stop worrying about where I am and start saying “use me where I am or take me somewhere different. I don’t care which! It’s up to you, God, and I trust you to lead.”
Coming soon, if I can articulate it: what God is doing in my heart in regards to parenting these days.