On Impact

For months after transitioning from full time work to being a mostly stay-at-home mom, I mourned the loss of my work.  I missed seeing the impact I had on my students’ lives.  I missed the relationships I had with my coworkers, who had grown to appreciate my faith even if they did not share it.  I missed having an impact on the future of an organization.  I felt called to be at home, but I didn’t see how my work here as having a very large impact on anyone besides my family.

A few months ago, David, Zoe, and I were on a Sunday afternoon walk when we ran into our associate youth director from church.  He and David swapped stories from the morning (“the sermon went well! I got a lot of good feedback!”) (“we had the BEST conversations in Sunday school today! Students were asking such great questions!”)

Then they looked at me.

“I cleaned poop out of the bathtub this morning,” I volunteered.

“Awesome job!” the associate youth director said.

As we walked away, I shook my head a little, thinking well, that about sums up my impact right now.  I keep things going at home so that David can have an impact.  

And sure, I have my moments where I think, okay, NOW I’m having an impact, because I’m being really intentional about reaching out to that person or making this charitable contribution or tangibly helping someone with something they need.  But most of the time, I feel like I’m just a stay at home mom trying to fill my day and my toddler’s day with fun stuff so she grows and develops and I don’t die of boredom.  My reach isn’t far.

That’s where I’ve been for months.  Not unhappy with my life AT ALL, but not seeing my influence right now as very big.

A few weeks ago, though, that idea began to be challenged.

Through a series of conversations that had to be God-orchestrated, I learned that while I’ve been walking around believing my reach to be small, God has been using me in places I wasn’t even aware of.

Someone told me that they read an email I sent them every morning and that it gives them strength to face the day.  My words were not that great, nor did I envision it being an ongoing read, but it is for her.

A coffee date I walked away from months ago thinking “meh, that didn’t have an impact?”  The person just contacted me and wants to get involved in our church.  Eight or nine months later, she’s still mulling over what we talked about.

My exercise class—surely it’s just an exercise class, right? Except it’s not.  Because people are talking to me about faith and pain and struggle in the middle of jumping jacks now.  What the what?

The pain and loss I’ve been experiencing in the last few months? Helped me understand a little better how to reach out to a friend when she had a miscarriage a few weeks ago.

The soup that I made yesterday, only to realize, oops, that recipe made way more soup than I want to eat? It’s going to a friend whose family could use a home cooked meal.

God doesn’t waste ANYTHING.

We are the ones that waste.  We complain our way through circumstances that could teach us something if we’d only open our heart a bit more.  We dream of the opportunities we’ll have in the future, ignoring the real possibilities right in front of us.  We make small talk, thinking that’s what others want, when they’re actually desperately craving real talk.  We get too busy and too routine oriented to look up and really see what He is doing.  We say things like “my impact is small right now” or “I’m JUST a…” or “right now, I can ONLY…” when really? Every single moment of our life can have an impact.

For months, I’ve been praying that God will use my life and my story.  I’ve wondered what form that will take in the future.

All the while, it’s been taking form.

And now I know.

I’m thankful that my eyes are open, albeit a bit late.  I’m hopeful that from now on, I’ll partner with God in the NOW, seeing the opportunities and possibilities through His eyes instead of my own, seeing what I’ve got instead of believing the lies that it’s not much.

These slower, more family-focused moments of life? Are not a break from my real life.  They are my life.

And He can, and is, using them.

8 thoughts on “On Impact

  1. Absolutely beautiful, Sarah. I have felt the same way so often. This post was such a refreshing reminder.
    I would add to your list the impact that this blog has on every single person who reads it. Your posts offer insight, encouragement, and smiles. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words and making such an impact on me and so many others!

  2. Amen. Such powerful truth. It is so easy to get caught up in the “I am just a mom, staying at home, wiping snot and poop, and doing yet another load of laundry.” But to God it is SO much more than that. We are raising His future warriors. How amazing is that?

  3. “We are the ones that waste. We complain our way through circumstances that could teach us something if we’d only open our heart a bit more. We dream of the opportunities we’ll have in the future, ignoring the real possibilities right in front of us. We make small talk, thinking that’s what others want, when they’re actually desperately craving real talk. We get too busy and too routine oriented to look up and really see what He is doing. We say things like “my impact is small right now” or “I’m JUST a…” or “right now, I can ONLY…” when really? Every single moment of our life can have an impact.”

    This really struck me. How many moments do I waste each day? Because I’m too caught up in myself. Thank you for sharing your heart today. You have challenged me to open my eyes to recognize the impact in the small moments.

    Blessings to you today!

  4. I love it. Thanks for sharing and reminding me that even our every day actions are used for good through The Lord. You are making an impact!

  5. I came across your blog from the SheReadsTruth posting today. To be honest, I’m a bit of a lurker when it comes to commenting on the daily devotionals. I read the comments, appreciate them and move along. Usually, I read one or two offerings on the SheSharesTruth days. This time I read ten. And your post was the one that spoke to me most.

    Our situations are different. You’re a wife and mother, I’m single with no kids and relationship on the horizon. But we’re ultimately concerned about the same thing–how can the seemingly small lives we lead make a difference? Sometimes I feel that I’m not at a stage in life where I can make a worthwhile impact on anyone. I’m still in my early twenties, trying to figure out my next steps in life. When I read, “God doesn’t waste ANYTHING” in this post, it gave me hope beyond what I can see happening in my life right now. It gave me hope that the small things I do with an open, servants’ heart will plant a seed that grows more fully than I could imagine.

    By focusing on what I haven’t yet done and letting my circumstances hold me back, I’m missing an opportunity to see how God can use us in the smallest of ways. That no matter how big or small, chipped or whole, we’re each empty vessels that can be filled by God’s grace, mercy, hope and forgiveness. When we’re filled to the brim there’s no other option but for those things to spill out into everything we do.

    I’m taking comfort in the words of Phillipians 1:6 NLT “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

    Have a blessed day and be a blessing to someone else!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s