Mental Snapshots

Man, time with Zoe is FLYING BY.  Most days go by so quickly and before I know it, she’s asleep again and I’m in the other room wishing we had more time together.  The other night David caught me looking at photos of her after I put her to bed and he asked “don’t you want a break?!” Little does he know that it’s a nightly habit for me…

I know she’ll never be in this stage again and I just find myself aching to capture every single moment with her.  I’m still completely in awe of the fact that we have her in our life, that she’s healthy, that she’s growing.

I try to take mental snapshots of some of the best moments—the moments that make me feel “THIS.  THIS is what life is all about.”  I force myself to look at those moments in their beauty (or messiness) and observe colors, details, feelings—trying to make my brain make connections so that I really CAN remember them forever.

Here are a few of those moments that I managed to get on actual camera (sometimes not the highest quality camera—my cell phone camera is a rockin’ 1.8 megapixels—but the best camera is in my brain anyway!)

1.  Zoe holding my hand.  Always. 

Zoe handsSince day 2, Zoe has made a habit of reaching for my hand.  She always grips tight.  I know that most babies do this (and other babies have done it to me before) but there is something so special and RIGHT about YOUR baby doing it to you.  Zoe and I hold hands almost every time I feed her and it is heart melting.  I know there are probably some actual developmental reasons that she does this, but I don’t want to know about them. I just want to enjoy it.

2.  When Zoe and I match 🙂

Every once in a while, I’ll play dress up and dress Zoe in coordinating colors (or even matching prints) to what I’m wearing.  I know it’s totally dumb, but it makes me smile all day long.


Judging from the bottom two pictures, I may be the only one smiling about this, but hey!

3.  Zoe’s face when I take her out and give her new experiences.

I don’t have a picture of this, but Zoe LOVES her Tuesday morning playgroup.  I thought that playgroup at this age was really more for the moms’ benefit, but the first time that I took Zoe she showed more emotion and excitement than she ever had before.  She lay on a blanket with the other babies cooing and screeching with joy.  A few weeks later, I’ve discovered that she does that every time we go.  It’s precious.

Also, this was her face when I took her to the zoo a few weeks ago.  She had never been into the children’s area before and, well, see what happened:

zoe at the zoo 2

zoe at the zoo

I can’t even!!

My aunt emailed me this about motherhood a few months ago: “Some moments are pure joy and others….well….others make you wonder how you will ever get through–but the truth is I treasure them all.”

Today, I was waiting for an important phone call, wearing Zoe on my chest in her carrier, and trying not to break my neck as the dog yanked me down the sidewalk after a squirrel when Zoe spit CHUNKS down my shirt.  Trust me, I take a mental snapshot during those moments too! But surprisingly, I treasure those snapshots just as much as the ones with the adoring eyes at the zoo.

I lived a life of joy and passion before having Zoe.  It’s not like I sat around being unhappy! But nothing compares to these precious moments.  I am so blessed.

3 thoughts on “Mental Snapshots

  1. Your blog post popped up on Facebook and I am delighted that I clicked on it! My husband and I have talked about adoption at some point and it was wonderful reading your story. I appreciate that you addressed some of my own thoughts and fears on motherhood. I also spent time in Ecuador in my teens and came away with a similar impression about my own privilege and responsibility to live consciously and generously in the world. Also, I couldn’t agree more about the hypocrisy of some “Christian” perspectives on abortion and adoption! If you aren’t going to help care for the children AND the mothers- be quiet! That rant of yours is one I would like to hear 😉 Thanks for sharing- so happy for your little family of “four!”

    1. Thanks, Eva!! I am glad you read and took the time to leave a comment. So nice to have a kindred spirit out there who gets my perspective. Congrats on your recent wedding. Look forward to hearing and seeing what your family becomes!

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